I Hate myself to be in Love with You

Remember the full moon night , when you came with a smile of hoping-to-be-bride
I was standing on that bridge playing a song on my guitar and smoking a cigarette
You asked me , when am I going to ask for your hand
And I replied with a uninterested tone , may be after I have my own music band

You thought it as one of my not-so-funny joke
And asked innocently whether I love you or not
In my unusually calm self , told you I will have to think about that
As I am not sure whether you make me happy or sad

You left me in the smoke filled air
Hiding all those tears in your sad black eyes
Did not stop to listen the song I was strumming in that heart-broken guitar
And you never once looked back

I used to stand in front of your house , hiding behind the tree
All day long , hoping to have a glance of you
Used to follow you to college and wait at the gate till you are free
And followed you on till you reach home

When you found a job and left to work in a distant place
I complained to God all night long and next morning I board the train on your chase
I roamed all through searching your known face in the unknown town
After two days , my starved body gave up and I fell down

Remember the day you found me on road sleeping in front of your place
You saw the guitar and asked me whether I can play
I forgot all my pain and kept on playing all the happy songs I knew
I was so happy to have at last found you

Remember all those moments , how we became friends and went further ahead
The first time I touched your face, the first kiss , and the first time we made love
How we used to lay awake beside each other
and count the stars with alternate number

You made me free , took all my pain away, the answer for all that I prayed
But then I realised in return I have nothing to offer except the broken promises
Done nothing for you except wrote you few songs
And tried to make you laugh ,when you seemed sad, with my not-so-funny jokes

I hated myself to be in love with you
I hated the way I became a burden on you
That night on that bridge I was searching for a reason so that I can hate you
I found none and that made me to hate myself more

Now when you have gone never again to return
I write this song to remind me of all that time
when I was yours and your were mine
And I  did not hate myself to be in love with you

(Have you ever had an unforgettably magical moment when you felt two strongly opposite emotions? Love/Hate? Elation/Sadness? Anger/Sympathy? . The following story is for a contest sponsered by

Close Up with collaboration from Indiblogger 'The Close Up "Fire-Freeze" Challenge - what's your story?') You may post your own experiences at  http://www.facebook.com/closeupindia?v=info