What they don’t teach you in B-school

I do agree with my friends  that the topic of this article is misleading. Because the list can be pretty long and no doubt why so many best-selling books available on this topic. However keeping in mind the considerable amount spent for earning this degree, I will try to keep the list short ( limited to few theories). 

‘Spiked CV’ theory:  Irrespective of what they tell in the interviews or write in the SOPs,  most of the students (around 99.41%) join B-school so that they can end up with a high-paying job. And to make  this dream come true, the one and only pass is a ‘spiked CV’. Those mortals who have recently earned or want to earn the right to passage in a B-school must not get mislead with the term ‘Spike’. The dictionary meaning of the word i.e ‘having sharp points’, justifies its position before the word  ‘CV’. Let me enlighten you.

The HR manager in any company have a horrendous task of going through thousands of CVs,before summer placement/final placement, to shortlist few lucky mortals who will be in GD/PI round. He doesn’t have the privilege or motivation to allot more than 5-10 seconds to a single CV. After these few seconds , either your CV is at one side of table to be considered for further rounds or in the dustbin to be recycled. Hence unless your CV contain some sharp points (no pun intended) which will not force the HR Manager out of his slumber , your CV should be in a place where it rightly belongs i.e dustbin.

So how one can make hi/her CV ‘SPIKED’? That’s an important and big question. And my personal philosophy is to avoid big questions of life. And also each B-school have its own theories/procedures  for adding spikes. Hence I will restrain myself from disclosing the details.

However ,  the basic concept of ‘spiking’ is to write  powerful, adjective-studded lines about whatever you have done or imagined to have done in life till that period , your actual/imaginary interests and hobbies etc.

For example, if your interest is playing games in PC/console , you need not be so straightforward while writing this in your CV. You may write ‘Vast experience in using/testing software applications’. Suppose you were in the bottom 1/3 rd portion  in your class , you have to tweak the sentence to ‘Graduated in the top 66% of my class‘ or ‘Finished eighth in my class of ten’ (highlight the word eighth) . Same concept  as glass half empty , half full.

‘It depends’ theory

I was pondering about the origin of this theory and am still not sure whether it started with the origin of zen philosophy which taught there is no single definitive answer to any question. But surely once you enter a B-school, this theory will save you in all class participation.

Be it academic questions ,  ‘Which is the better option to finance the project?’ , ‘Which marketing strategy will work for this product?’ , ‘What is the impact of increase in CRR rate on economy?’

Or Non-academic ones ‘Who is the hottest girl in class?’ , ‘Which is better whisky or Vodka?’ , ‘Who is better player Sachin/Lara , Federer/Nadal , Messi/Ronaldo ……?’ , ‘Where to eat tonight, in the college mess or outside?’

Or personal ones ‘Are you in love or just flirting ?’ , ‘Do you smoke , drink ?’etc

All the questions of Universe can be answered by the simple statement. So next time you are in the class without any clue to answer the question  and you have angry professor looking at you with owl eyes , just try out with the answer ‘It Depends’.

After two years, this is going to be the point of difference between a person with a MBA and a person without it. You will belong to the enlightened few , who don’t jump into conclusion at once , don’t give any straight answer. Because by that point of your life, you would have realised that be it in classroom or in real world  there is no question which cannot be answered by a simple two-word statement ‘IT DEPENDS’. 

'Free-rider' Theory

This is one of the much debated theory in campus. Everyone seems to oppose it. But I guarantee that once in a while everybody has been benefited by it. But of course , some lucky ones will be able to do a PhD  on this theory with their own strategies for application.

Let’s go to origin of this theory. When our ancestors climbed down from tress and and stared living in a community,  they went in groups to hunt. Initially each member in the group has to work hard to gather food or hunt animal. Gradually one member must have realised ,without his contribution in the work, food can be gathered / animals can be killed . He need not strain his body for the work. He just has act his part as a member in the group and can get his share. So he can be the ‘free-rider’.

Unfortunately there is written acknowledgement of that unknown ancestor’s patent on this theory. Hence we the generations who received the theory without any patent cost, overused it as it happens anything we receive free.

But in a B-school , each other Guy/girl you meet is as smart or smarter than you. Hence necessary precaution should be taken while using the theory so that you don’t get caught and ostracized from the group. But of course there is no one who hasn’t used this once in a while. Even those who are vehemently against it also have taken help of this theory in need.

The above may work as a guide/warning (pun intended , I hope) for the aspiring MBA students.

DISCLAIMER: I know that you believe that you understand what you think I wrote, but I'm not sure you realize that what you read is not what I meant.